Are You Really Ready For That New Pet?

A humorous but truthful look at pet ownership.

We know those deep brown eyes just melt your soul...And those wonderful ears are so large and droopy, they almost reach the floor... And his feet are as big as snowshoes...And when he wags his tail his whole body shakes like an earthquake...

We know that her whiskers are six times as large as her little fuzzy body...And when she chases the string across the floor she leaves a dust cloud like the "Road Runner"... And that she just couldn't wait to attack your toes... And that when she became tired of the games, she catapulted right into your lap and launched into projectile purring...

But are you really ready to take that cute, adorable, new pet home?

• Are you really ready... for a dog (Irish Water Spaniel) that can open the
  frig, the oven, and ripped the built-in dishwasher out of the wall by
  putting all 100 pounds of himself via his front paws on to the open door.
  - Margaret Kirwin, 6 April 98 -

• Are you really ready... to have the three most important phone numbers in your life to be 911, your spouse's work number, and the local veterinary clinic number...and not necessarily in that order!

• Are you really ready... to have to shovel a path through 20" of fresh wet snow so that you don't lose your Yorkie when she goes out to the bathroom?

• Are you really ready... to sweep up a hair ball the size of a medium-sized rodent every time you vacuum?

• Are you really ready... to accept that every flea powder, flea lotion, flea bomb, and flea collar known to man are totally ineffective?

• Are you really ready... to check every time that the load of clothes you just threw into the dryer does not contain a kitten? P.S. (Ours did once, and it wasn't even our cat...it belonged to the our neighbors...She survived somehow?)

• Are you really ready... to never again eat the following foods, all by yourself, without feeling guilt ridden or without an audience...pepperoni, hot popcorn, fresh baked cookies, etc.?

• Are you really ready... to understand that all stray cats are female and all female stray cats come already pregnant?

• Are you really ready... to wrestle 70 to 80 pounds of terrified Labrador Retriever up onto one of those little, slippery tables at the vets.

• Are you really ready... to watch your Jack Russell Terror (and that's not a misspelling) explode into a miniature tornado that takes three vet assistants, you, and your vet to subdue her long enough to get her rabies vaccination?

• Are you really ready... to walk around in public and in front of your family, friends, neighbors with a "Pooper Scooper"?

• Are you really ready... to learn that never again can you lay the sports section of the Daily Times on the living room floor while you slip into the kitchen, without discovering a bright yellow puddle right in the middle of the article that you were reading when you come back?

• Are you really ready... to discover that knitting and crocheting have become a team sport?

• Are you really ready... to realize that when they said that puppy would become a 70 pound dog, that they meant every bit of 70 pounds, and that you can only lift 50 pounds?

• Are you really ready... to accept that you can never wear black again, if you new pet is white... or white again, if your new pet is black?

• Are you really ready... to find something other than gum on the bottom of your shoes...and that is after you have walked all the way across the living room rug?

• Are you really ready... to base all of your vacation plans, not on how much money you can spend, or how long you can get off from work, or where you want to go, but on if you can con someone into pet sitting for you?

• Are you really ready... to be awakened at 3 am. by twenty pounds of violent purring, because he has discovered how to bounce open the door to your bedroom?

• Are you really ready... to change your socks when you find that your cute little kitten wasn't just playing inside your slippers?

• Are you really ready... to find that as you have busily been planting your spring daffodils, your Jack Russell has busily been undigging your spring daffodils?

• Are you really ready... to find that your hard drive is growing hair, and that every animals favorite place to indulge in a good itching fit is right in front of the computer tower air intake, and that the greatest crash your hard drive has had was caused by your cat walking across your keyboard?

• Are you really ready... to find that your solid colored rug is becoming a multi-toned patchwork quilt of spots?

• Are you really ready... to awaken the morning after you washed and waxed your car, to discover it has been redecorated in muddy paw prints?

If you are really ready then...
You are really prepared to have the best friend you could ever find in this world!

Please E-Mail us your version of "Are you really ready..."
and we will add it to our list.